The above is something my nephew said to my daughter when he was only six years old. My daughter was having a meltdown over something- I don't even remember what. He calmed her by saying, "Don't worry. This has happened before." He told her, "This happens to everyone."
His little comment has stuck with me. It calms my meltdowns. For everything I've had to go through, someone else has done it before and will do it again. There is great peace in accepting life is supposed to be hard. There is peace in recognizing the nature of the beast. I don't know why we act so surprised by death. It's as common as birth! I knew after my Dad and brother died, there would eventually be someone else joining them. Thankfully, though, we never know who.
I am part of a private group on facebook for moms and dads of anencephaly babies. I also met with a girl in town who went through this six months ago. Talking with others who have gone down the same path has brought me immense comfort and strength. When I was getting close to delivery, I panicked a time or two with the horror of having to watch my baby die in my own arms. But then I thought about the others who had braved the same thing and survived it (even found peace in it) and I was lifted up. I thought if they could do this, maybe, just maybe I could.
I'm not the first Mama to lose a baby and I certainly won't be the last. My experience is uniquely mine but not unique. Death is not unique. I can feel the strength of all the Mamas gone before me.
If we're lucky enough to be around for a while, we'll all lose people we love. This thought doesn't depress me. It comforts me. Death is normal. Don't worry, I tell myself, this has happened before.
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