Innovate

I called Anika's school this morning and told them she wouldn't be coming in today and that I would be in Monday morning to sign some paperwork stating I will homeschool Anika.  Collective G A S P!  I hung up the phone and walked upstairs feeling a little crazy and disoriented.  But I felt exhilarated! I know it's right for Anika and that's about all I know at the moment.  The only word that came to mind as I contemplated our new life was INNOVATE.

Time for our first lesson.  I went straight from my phone call to the computer and typed 'innovate' on the screen and printed it out.  I then, ritualistically and with feeling, removed Anika's school papers from the fridge and replaced them. 

Those papers represent so much.  The yellow one is a log for minutes read.  The kids are sent home with a book (not of their choosing) and they are explicitly bribed into reading.  Read so many minutes, earn a pizza party!  Read this many minutes, earn a PTA t-shirt!  In essence:  Conform, be bribed, smother all joy for learning!  What about reading for reading's sake?  What about reading something that interests you?  Heresy!

We talked together about the meaning of 'innovate', not just once but whenever we recognized innovation throughout the day.

Lookey there, we learned something useful already.

This wasn't a flippant decision based on a few bad days or weeks at school.  I've been leaning towards it for quite some time.  I've felt it was right for her but to be honest, I was looking forward to six long hours I would use to...I don't know... complete a thought.  Also, I hate to admit I worried briefly about societal and familial expectations and pressures.  Ultimately, though, I don't care what people think.

I know I can do this. I'm capable. I know it's what she needs.

Anika is brilliant and inquisitive.  She is also anxious and rigid. I figure Anika's story ends either with a Doogie Howser or a self-hating alcoholic, depending entirely on how I play it, how adept my parenting is. It's time to pony-up.  Anika is a square peg and I refuse to force her through a round hole.  It's time to do everything differently.  It's time to innovate.  It's time to pray to God and beg more than ever for guidance to be the Mom Anika needs.  

There is so much I want to share and talk about regarding Anika.  I'm excited.  I haven't felt like writing in a long time but now I do.  That's a good sign.  The same life that breathed into me today, breathed into Anika too.  She was a different person today.  So was I .  This is good.  We are alive.  I feel like we are about to create something really neat.  

Lunging forward, letting go of solid ground. 

Shaping.  

Innovating.